Five on 5th

I started taking the bus for two reasons: A) There are less then ten stairs involved in getting on and off the bus (as opposed to the 1+ flights involved in descending to the realm of the mole people), and B) I finally figured out that I can take any of four buses direct to my block. The traffic can be tiresome, but I’m new enough to New York that the city streets still entertain. I like to watch the Madison Ave. window displays change from Barney’s in the Upper East Side, to pharmacies near Mt. Sinai, and finally Phat Burger on my block. Taking the 1,2,3,4 down 5th provides a nice view of Central Park: quietly contained by a stone wall that separates the urban jungle from the well maintained nature respite. It’s a nice break from the hustle and bustle of New York’s underground entertainment.

The only view you get on the subway is of people—this is often a spectacle in itself. Here’s my top ten list of most ridiculous subway acts:

10. The Sombrero Guys- They usually ride on the weekend in full traditional Latin garb. One guy plays the ukulele while the other sings a nice catchy tune in Spanish. The first few times I saw these guys I thought they were great; I gave them a smile and a tip. Then I noticed they play the same song every single time. This is like the Gypsy Kings playing Bamboleo over and over and over..its a good song…but lets shake it up a little. Plus, these guys usually pull in at least 5-10 dollars per subway stop (about 3 minutes total)…that means they’re making anywhere from 100-200 dollars an hour on a good subway day, for that one song.
9. The L train Circe du Soleil acrobatics act. Two guys in 80s clothing perform a balancing act that involves the subway poles and dodging nervous passengers. Has potential, but they’re not very good at balancing.
8. The man in his forties who rides the 6 train in Harlem and asks for money in exchange for his impromtpu a cappella performance. I don’t actually think he needs money, I think the subway is the only place where he can find a captive audience—once you steer clear of the closing doors you are sealed in until 96th St.
7. The teenage boys selling bags of peanut M&Ms. Here’s their shpeal “I’m selling candy, but I’m not selling it for no sports team or church group; I’m selling it for myself so I can make a little money and keep myself off the streets. All candy’s a dollar.” These boys don’t heckle you, but they say the speech so heartlessly, I feel like someone’s making them do it. I’ve never bought their candy…but if they had granola bars I’d consider.
6. The accordion player who I saw once on a Q train. The subway is crowded enough without a giant hand-held instruments and flying elbows.
5. The guy selling his homemade techno mixes.
4. The nervous looking, suit-sporting preacher who breaks into a god-loving tourettes fest as soon as the doors close.
3. The crazy “I found Jesus” woman.
2. The crazy “I found Jesus” man.
1. The woman who had a huge pregnant belly and a sign around her neck that said “Please help me feed my baby”. Six months later, same train, same woman, same stomach, same sign. (I’ve never seen this woman, but my co-worker Julie has run into her several times…always the same stage of “pregnancy”).

The subway and I had a good run, but I’ve ascended to the bus. The gentle humming of the engine is a lull compared to the rants of the subway prophets. Unfortunately, unless I’m going somewhere on the UES it’s 10000X faster to hop on the subway than deal with downtown traffic. Nonetheless, every ride down 5th I take, I can take five, and relax.