Single-itus

I didn’t see it coming. Of course there were signs, symptoms that I celebrated, laughed off, and ignored. But now it’s here: single. Single, like a boil on my back. Single, a bad stock option that I didn’t trade in early enough. Single, table for one.

Being single is nothing new. I am an independent lady, typically in some sort of geographical transition. I’ve had one real, meaningful long-term relationship, which I loved, yet can’t help but still feel that I lost some of myself while I was in it. I haven’t been inclined to find myself in another long-term relationship at this point in life. I don’t see the point. I’m young, I’ve got places to go and people to meet before I settle into a life of complications.

I’m pretty good at being single. Though I’m not exactly the poster child for the pick-up scene (I’ve left casual sex where it belongs: at college), I do meet quality guys every once in a while, maybe a few times a year, and that’s enough. As with most things in life it’s quality, not quantity (New York could take some cues from this). When I am alone I enjoy my solitude. I rarely get lonely and this is largely because I have an amazing group of friends. It’s very freeing to be young and single: possibilities paint the future.

However, lately the boil’s been flaring up (the metaphorical boil, I don’t have a real boil, to be clear). Single has become an issue, a stance that I’ve been forced to take. Small insecurities that have nagged me from time to time have become a pain. My world has increasing become me vs. he+she. Friends are pairing up and becoming units, closed teams in my free agent world.

I have always had a strong male presence in my life. I lived with guys for several years in college, and I’ve always surrounded myself with guy friends who more often than not picked up the single slack…get me drinks at parties, help carry heavy stuff, occasional snuggling, etc. That has changed. First of all, none of my close guy friends live in Manhattan. Secondly, slowly but surely they are matching up, making it inappropriate to have close female relationships outside of their relationship.
Thirdly, it’s harder to develop the same male-female relationships that were based on the youthful idealism present in college.

Recently I was invited to my college roommate’s wedding. I declined the +1 option, thinking that I was going to reunite with all my old guy friends whom I haven’t seen in over a year. Whoa was me when I arrived to find that not only did most of the guys not show up, the two that did were consumed in their relationships, AND I was one of maybe, MAYBE four single people in the entire place. Two of the single guys left before the dancing even started. As I sat at the open bar, snapping random pictures of people I didn’t know with the disposable cameras, I found myself on the opposite side of not only the camera, but the event. Weddings are of course about love. I’ve got nothing against love, I love love, it’s just that the love club seemed more exclusive that night than ever before.

Maybe one day we’ll all be celebrating my induction to the love club, but for now, single. It's not as simple as it use to be, complications in adulthood are as prevalent as fleas on a mut, but I can handle it. I'll even embrace it: single! with all it's possibilities. Single, diversifying the +1. I’ll take my scarlet S and paint the town red.